It's called slimming and the teenagers you know are already doing it. For anyone over 20, I'll explain what it is, but first you ought to disable all appall-sensing extensions or moral compass add-on's from your browser. Slimming is getting drunk transdermally by dipping a tampon in vodka and then inserting it in the vagina (for the ladies) or the anus (for the gents). The American import has just hit Germany, reports the Südkurier, and as an American living in Germany, I couldn't be prouder.
Sure teenagers invented it, or at least take credit for it (but we know this came from somewhere in the correctional system), but that doesn't mean it's not for everyone. The whole point is that no one can smell the alcohol on your breath. So you can be blotto all frigin' day and no one will notice, except for the fact you're shitfaced and drunk-dialing clients at 2pm.
Of course, there is a down side for the party pooper to talk about. The Südkurier mentions a 14-year-old girl who got alcohol poisoning and couldn't get her stomach pumped as a cautionary tale. There are also all kinds of medical things that can go wrong with the tissues inside your body blah blah blah. Look, if life were about consequences and worst-case-scenarios, then nobody would be having any fun and you wouldn't be considering intercourse with a wet napkin so that you could be drunk off your ass at work.
I will issue one warning to those interested, because I can imagine this becoming an issue: after habituating yourself to boozing up with burning tampons in the rectum or vagina, you're going to have a helluva time enjoying a nice glass of red wine with dinner. I mean what's the point, right?
So dear readers, I would love to know- as would the world I'm sure- what your experiences slimming have been like. I myself would never stoop so low as to subject mysef to self-violation by vodka-tampon just for a cheap high. A nice cognac-tampon maybe.